Just this

I'm the kind of person who hears a song, that song, and it will direct my mood... will change my mood. In an instant. I'm telling you I have no control of it, my mood can slip from one thing to another, in a note. It's a mood, understand, not the whole I'm talking about. The last 24 hours have reminded me of this. They've shown me that the friends I love and am so blessed to have are willing to hurdle my shortcomings in order to save my heart. And I'm so humbled and appreciative by their attention and presence. But I just heard this song by Stevie Nicks and have slipped into some other place and am unable to be greatful because my focus is elsewhere.

Has anyone ever written anything for you ?
In all your darkest hours
Have you ever heard me sing?
Listen to me now
You know I'd rather be alone
Than be without you
Don't you know?

Has anyone ever given anything to you?
In your darkest hours
Did you ever give it back?
Well, I have
I have given that to you
If it's all I ever do
This is your song

And the rain comes down
There's no pain and there's no doubt
It was easy to say
I believed in you everyday
If not for me
Then do it for the world

Has anyone ever written anything for you?
In your darkest sorrow
Did you ever hear me sing?
Listen to me now
You know I'd rather be alone
Than be without you
Don't you know?

So, if not for me, then
Do it for yourself
If not for me then
Do it for the world

Someone needs me right now, right this minute as I type these words. Someone needs me and I can't reach him. My friends, bless them, they can and have reached me but I can't hang on to that until I hold on to him again. My arms ache and this heart of mine, it's feeling both blessed and shredded.