The slow reaching limbs of the Willow trees stretch and bow above us. I take a deep breath, close my eyes to absorb the moment, pull the heat of the air out from my lungs and feel it fall over me like molasses. I'm home.
Then the uninvited thought tackles me. She can't feel this grace in that room in which she slumbers. I shake it out of my head, take a sip of my drink, and wait for a pause in the on-ramp of our conversation.
Nothing. My mouth hangs open awaiting my turn to speak... and... nothing.
Earlier today, I feed her rice, half dropping on her chest. She looks at me with ridiculous trust as I pick the yellow grains from the napkin I'd placed on her chest. It occurs to me the spoon might be a better choice.
She thinks my father is here. Here, as in alive. Here as in 1980. I indulge the murky thrill of pretending. I float in the pool, green and blue surrounding me. The absurdity feels warm, feels good. It doesn't last long. In soft and shapeless words that I have to figure out, she sighs, I just don't know why he hasn't come to visit me.
Winnie the Pooh says, But it's still... gulp... very important. Tigger says that people will come from miles around, just to run away.
I smile at the memory. T-I-Double-Guh-er
Yesterday at Apple Valley's equivalent to Starbucks, I picked up a book, featured on the counter. The Little Engine that Could. Glancing upon it, I'm back on my Grandmother's lap, being taught not only the next level of my reading but the lesson of the little train's perseverance. I think I can, I think I can.
Chug chug chug, puff puff puff.
Featured on the cover were the words, Now with a new artist. I flipped throught the book and recognized nothing beyond the shape of the words and the slant of the hill. Why? Why a new artist? That's as if featuring the Mona Lisa with a banner stating, New & Improved - New Artist.
Puff puff puff.
Tonight I am wandering the world, looking for a moment lost.
You said you wanted to know. That's it, this is what it's like.
What I need right now is for Winnie-the-Pooh to come over and say, Could we skip dinner, and have breakfast instead?
Silly old bear.
1 comment:
Wow, that book brings back memories... It's funny, I was talking with a group of guys about hope this morning and that book sure ties into my ideas of synchronicity and a Higher Power today. It's a good reminder, isn't it?
I think I can, I think I can...
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