It's 5:30 in the morning. I'm drinking coffee, burning a candle, smoking a cigarette from the pack you left behind. Your absence and my emptiness fill this place. You left a book, a photo, a Christmas present I had given you. You left your creamer in the fridge, your cookies, and the jam that you like. You left movies for me to return. You left empty shelves in the garage, your bike hooks hanging from the ceiling, and spaces of nothing and empty hangers in the closets. You left an emptiness in our bed. At the bottom of a note I'd written to you weeks ago, you wrote that love is never wasted, and you'd always love me.What's left are all the boxes I filled to make room for you, all the changes and effort I made for you, all the holes I have to fill, the sadness I feel. And this weighty quiet.
Oh, and me. I'm here.
Two years ago today I sat in the front pew at my Father's funeral. Today I sit across from the chair you sat in just yesterday morning.
Timing never was your strong point.
5 comments:
Alison, say this out of love, okay?
There's a solution to at least part of this problem. Put out the cigarette and throw the rest away. Toss the rest of the creamer and feed the cookies and jam to Cheyenne or one of the neighbor kids. Hang your own bike from the hooks and your own new clothes on the hangars.
Time waits for no man and you don't have to either.
Some time ago, another, more freshly divorced person asked me if I knew what I wanted out of dating. At the time, I didn't think so, but I did know what I don't want. Sometimes, that's enough.
Don't settle for less than you deserve. Remember that you're a precious and rare commodity that a man should be willing to sacrifice and dare all to get. Men should be willing to fight to the death to try and make you happy. If he's not willing to do that, well.... Well, just remember that you're worth more than that.
And, don't give up.
I agree with network geek. Don't settle for less than you deserve...
Alison, my heart aches for you. We have all been there. Well, maybe not the double whammy you are experiencing, but most everyone suffers a broken heart at some time or other. Although NO one ever wants to hear it - the only cure is time. And time takes time. (God, how I used to hate hearing that!) You are fortunate that you are able to write about it, to release it, and to grieve it. Keep on keepin' on, girl.
Network Geek said it perfectly: "Don't settle for less than you deserve." And Jackie is right that it just takes time. Just for the record, though, his lousy sense of timing really angers me in this instance.
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