I miss you. I miss the breath of you. I miss the shape of you, the feel of you. I miss the sound of your voice. I miss sleeping with our legs intertwined, our hands together. I miss the way you eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I miss the passion in your voice when you express your beliefs. I miss the new nicknames you gave Cheyenne. I miss hearing my name coming from your mouth, and the way you'd answer, Hi honey, when I'd phone you. I miss the scent of your neck and the curl of your hair. I miss the way your jeans fit your thighs. I miss your belief in me. I miss the way you watch over me. I miss you opening the car door for me. I miss awaking and keeping my eyes closed because I want only to feel us there for the moment, before letting the world into our day. I miss the way you re-name people, companies, concepts at your whim. I miss the way you chase your ideas, and I miss the way you net them. I miss my lover. I miss the way you talk and I miss the way you listen. To the world, the pulse, the light, the music. To me. I miss your heart and the way you love me.
I miss me. I miss the warmth you put in my heart. I miss the love in my voice. I miss grumbling at traffic not for the hassle but for the delay in getting to you. I miss my brake pedal on the passenger side when you are driving. I miss swimming in the pleasure of your voice, and the comfort of your quiet. I miss bringing your morning coffee to you. I miss the best in me that you inspire. I miss who I am in your eyes. I miss my stride beside yours. I miss learning from you. I miss the fun I had on otherwise mundane errands, save for running them with you. I miss putting your laundry away, and I miss cooking for you. I miss volleyball at Target. I miss manamana. I miss our pace. I miss the rhythm of our time. I miss the freedom and thrill of open conversations and endless topics. I miss my smile, I miss my laughter. I miss the way you received my love.
I miss us. I miss being with the one I know and the one who knows me. I miss the closeness, and I miss the connection. I miss the past, the present and the future. I miss the dream and I miss the promise. I miss the alpha and the omega, the faith, the hope, and the love.
I miss you. Oh, I miss you so.
3 comments:
Alison, he must have been a special sort of person, to inspire these kinds of writings after he's gone. I hope you'll soon be able to take the 'good' of the relationship forward with you, and leave the 'bad' behind. I know that you have to work through grieving. But I also know you must be watchful and careful, that you keep MOVING on the path you are on. Because you can't get THROUGH anything if you are standing still in it.
Your beautiful words reflect the beauty of your soul, Alison, which is no doubt one of the things he loved about you.
But Jackie's advice is excellent. Don't allow yourself to wallow in what was. Even if you move slowly, you have to keep moving.
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