I was in college when I first encountered these words: The fragrance remains in the hand that gives the rose.
They are attributed to many people, from Gandhi to Anonymous to a Chinese Proverb, and many other folks I'm not familiar with, but I suppose the important point is the message itself and not the messenger.
The message is that kindness is its own reward. Such a simple way of expressing such a beautiful truth.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Are we at "E" already?
In my weekly pursuit of the ABCs of life, today is week five of the journey and therefore the letter E, which is for Express thanks.
Before I move on to that, I want to backtrack to the letter D for a moment. Dream. I wasn't sure about that one and wrote as much. I learned a bit about myself last week. It's something that apparently you already know. I am a dreamer. I got phone calls from a couple friends, comments, and had a couple conversations about it. Many of my friends saw something in me that I had forgotten. One said to me, You are always talking about your dreams, about what you want to make or see or do. You have ideas and inspire others. You are a dreamer, and you always have been. I felt the fire ignite again. So, yes, I am a dreamer. I simply had forgotten. Last week I was reminded of it and I tapped into my dreaming self and got things moving again. It felt good to be what I am.
So now we are at the letter E, Express thanks. Feeling gratitude is one thing, expressing it quite another. Expressing it not only shows our appreciation but our connection, and the sincerity gives us just a touch of humility. I believe that a touch of humility is a good thing. I feel gratitude often and I express that gratitude in prayer often. My heart fills up and I let it bubble over in prayer. Gratitude for lessons, for people, for challenges, for friends and family, and much more. But, I believe that this credo in the ABCs of life is more along the lines of appreciating others right here along side me, and expressing that. Out loud. I believe it is about opening my earthly heart to the kindness and gestures large and small that I see and appreciate, whether for my benefit or the benefit of another.
I look forward to this week, to keeping gratitude in the forefront of my heart and not only being aware of it but expressing out loud the thanks I feel. Beginning right here: To those I know personally and those whom I do not, I thank you for stopping by here on occasion to read my words, to check in with me. I appreciate that you do this because I enjoy your presence here and I enjoy when you listen and share your thoughts in the comments. It's a unique form of conversation, I admit, but a wonderful connection you bring to me. Thank you.
And you? Are you expressing thanks?
Before I move on to that, I want to backtrack to the letter D for a moment. Dream. I wasn't sure about that one and wrote as much. I learned a bit about myself last week. It's something that apparently you already know. I am a dreamer. I got phone calls from a couple friends, comments, and had a couple conversations about it. Many of my friends saw something in me that I had forgotten. One said to me, You are always talking about your dreams, about what you want to make or see or do. You have ideas and inspire others. You are a dreamer, and you always have been. I felt the fire ignite again. So, yes, I am a dreamer. I simply had forgotten. Last week I was reminded of it and I tapped into my dreaming self and got things moving again. It felt good to be what I am.
So now we are at the letter E, Express thanks. Feeling gratitude is one thing, expressing it quite another. Expressing it not only shows our appreciation but our connection, and the sincerity gives us just a touch of humility. I believe that a touch of humility is a good thing. I feel gratitude often and I express that gratitude in prayer often. My heart fills up and I let it bubble over in prayer. Gratitude for lessons, for people, for challenges, for friends and family, and much more. But, I believe that this credo in the ABCs of life is more along the lines of appreciating others right here along side me, and expressing that. Out loud. I believe it is about opening my earthly heart to the kindness and gestures large and small that I see and appreciate, whether for my benefit or the benefit of another.
I look forward to this week, to keeping gratitude in the forefront of my heart and not only being aware of it but expressing out loud the thanks I feel. Beginning right here: To those I know personally and those whom I do not, I thank you for stopping by here on occasion to read my words, to check in with me. I appreciate that you do this because I enjoy your presence here and I enjoy when you listen and share your thoughts in the comments. It's a unique form of conversation, I admit, but a wonderful connection you bring to me. Thank you.
And you? Are you expressing thanks?
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday slumber
She has the right idea for how to spend your time on a chilly overcast Sunday morning.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Peeling back the years
Beside me is a composition notebook, wirebound with a thick black and white cover. Written in blue ink on the cover label, is her name. On the line beneath her name, the subject, Spelling. I am not sure how long the journal served its intended pupose but at some point, she scratched that out with a red pen and above wrote PRIVATE Please! Won't you keep out? Thanks an awful lot!!!!!! (Six exclamation points behind that thank you!) As best as I can figure from the contents, she was 16 when she changed the purpose of the notebook.
Between its covers is a world of discovery for me. On the inside of the front and back covers, she affixed small blue envelopes which are stuffed with party invitations, graduation announcements and so very many dance invitations. Staten Island Academy Sophmore Hop, December 21, 1940 and Pomfret School Fall Dance, November 7th, 1942, to name two. Her dance cards are full, on every line a name is written beneath the printed column heading, Order of Dance.
Much much later, I would know that Nancy as my Aunt Nancy.
My mother filled the notebook with Christmas card lists, lists of the movies she had seen, and gifts she received for birthdays, Christmases, graduation. She included one of her Christmas cards from each year, glued to its own page in the notebook. Who says Merry Christmas? Betty Oxholm, of course! Her highschool graduation announcement is in the notebook, along with her tennis, basketball and hockey game schedules, with notations on win/loss and points. A Congratulations card from her parents, We are very proud of you. Love, Ma and Pa. I know that card must have meant the world to her.
This morning I discover a few things I'd not seen before. I unfold an award certificate from the Navy Relief Fund Tennis Tournament, in which she won the girls' singles at the Silver Lake Tennis Club in June, 1942. Clipped to the certificate is a newspaper article under the headline, Betty Oxholm Wins Girls' Net Title. The article includes this description: Hitting the ball with power and fine direction off both forehand and backhand, Miss Oxholm was never in any trouble as she swept through the title. Another newspaper clipping focuses on her field hockey team, defeated but once in two years. Of her, the article says, Outstanding on the Academy team was Bety Oxholm, centering forward, whose hard-hitting skillful stick handling and fine passing work contributed much to the success of the team.
(You GO Mom!)
On yellowed and crispy sheets of notebook paper are handwritten letters from friends and suitors, folded and slipped between the journal pages. Letters from girlfriends and a few boyfriends discussing the suitability of certain suitors, one ending with Don't share this with anyone, for obvious reasons. Whether or not she shared that particular letter with anyone, I do not know, but she did keep it for the rest of her life.
My mother left behind a suitcase filled with notebooks such as this one. Dance cards, invitations, journal entries, letters, photos, schedules. She wanted for the two of us to go through it together, but we never did. To my eternal regret, we never did. Much of the contents will forever be a mystery to me, left to my imagination to color in the gaps, imagine the answers to my questions. It's a bit like watching a foreign film, subtitled in a foreign language. Still, the contents are magical to me. They are a connection to a young woman I never met and yet have loved all of my life.
This morning, two years after my mother's passing, I light a candle in her name and drink coffee from her Vassar College Class of 1946 mug. I spend the morning going through a notebook, opening, unfolding, touching, admiring, learning more about this woman I knew as my mother. It is but a small look into who she was before she met and married my father, before she became my mother. She was a powerhouse of enthusiasm for life, of grace, and of sporting, social and educational pursuits. And she loved to dance. I smile now thinking about that. She always loved to dance.
Between its covers is a world of discovery for me. On the inside of the front and back covers, she affixed small blue envelopes which are stuffed with party invitations, graduation announcements and so very many dance invitations. Staten Island Academy Sophmore Hop, December 21, 1940 and Pomfret School Fall Dance, November 7th, 1942, to name two. Her dance cards are full, on every line a name is written beneath the printed column heading, Order of Dance.
You are cordially invited to a
dance
to be given
on March 30th
at nine until one
Kindly reply to Nancy Buck
41 Sunrise Terrace
Much much later, I would know that Nancy as my Aunt Nancy.
My mother filled the notebook with Christmas card lists, lists of the movies she had seen, and gifts she received for birthdays, Christmases, graduation. She included one of her Christmas cards from each year, glued to its own page in the notebook. Who says Merry Christmas? Betty Oxholm, of course! Her highschool graduation announcement is in the notebook, along with her tennis, basketball and hockey game schedules, with notations on win/loss and points. A Congratulations card from her parents, We are very proud of you. Love, Ma and Pa. I know that card must have meant the world to her.
This morning I discover a few things I'd not seen before. I unfold an award certificate from the Navy Relief Fund Tennis Tournament, in which she won the girls' singles at the Silver Lake Tennis Club in June, 1942. Clipped to the certificate is a newspaper article under the headline, Betty Oxholm Wins Girls' Net Title. The article includes this description: Hitting the ball with power and fine direction off both forehand and backhand, Miss Oxholm was never in any trouble as she swept through the title. Another newspaper clipping focuses on her field hockey team, defeated but once in two years. Of her, the article says, Outstanding on the Academy team was Bety Oxholm, centering forward, whose hard-hitting skillful stick handling and fine passing work contributed much to the success of the team.
(You GO Mom!)
On yellowed and crispy sheets of notebook paper are handwritten letters from friends and suitors, folded and slipped between the journal pages. Letters from girlfriends and a few boyfriends discussing the suitability of certain suitors, one ending with Don't share this with anyone, for obvious reasons. Whether or not she shared that particular letter with anyone, I do not know, but she did keep it for the rest of her life.
My mother left behind a suitcase filled with notebooks such as this one. Dance cards, invitations, journal entries, letters, photos, schedules. She wanted for the two of us to go through it together, but we never did. To my eternal regret, we never did. Much of the contents will forever be a mystery to me, left to my imagination to color in the gaps, imagine the answers to my questions. It's a bit like watching a foreign film, subtitled in a foreign language. Still, the contents are magical to me. They are a connection to a young woman I never met and yet have loved all of my life.
This morning, two years after my mother's passing, I light a candle in her name and drink coffee from her Vassar College Class of 1946 mug. I spend the morning going through a notebook, opening, unfolding, touching, admiring, learning more about this woman I knew as my mother. It is but a small look into who she was before she met and married my father, before she became my mother. She was a powerhouse of enthusiasm for life, of grace, and of sporting, social and educational pursuits. And she loved to dance. I smile now thinking about that. She always loved to dance.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
D is for Dream
It's week four of my 26-week focus on the ABCs of life according to a plaque a good friend gave to me.
This week's letter is D and the credo is the verb Dream. I'm going to fall short on this one because I don't have a full grasp of the definition of the word dream. I don't really dream. Oh, I have dreams, the subconscious type of dreams that enter into my sleep. However, I'm fairly sure that the letter D in the ABCs of life is not telling me to have a good night's rest and dream away. But I don't really DREAM, the out loud, waking hours, type of dreaming. Having said that, I do believe that envisioning positive things in your life beckons them to take place. Is that dreaming, envisioning? I don't know. I believe in positive thinking, in setting goals and working towards them. Is that dreaming? If you believe that to dream is to have aspiration or a goal, then yes, that is dreaming.
After reading the above paragraph, I have to step back a minute. Maybe I do dream, but call it by a different name. If dreaming is conjuring an image, a goal, and envisioning myself there, then, okay, I dream. Still, I'm not sure why Dream is on this plaque. Is it to remind us that we can change our lives for the better though envisioning where we want to be? I do not know.
Because I'm not exactly sure of this one, I'm going to approach it a bit differently than in the past weeks. Rather than take this one out into the world, as I did with Be kind or Accept differences, I'm going to take a look around my own world, around my life, and assess what needs to change or what I want to change, and I'm going to envision that differently. From that vision, I might be able to come up with a way to get myself from here to there. If I don't see the goal, how can I possibly find my way to the change?
Yes, dream!
This week's letter is D and the credo is the verb Dream. I'm going to fall short on this one because I don't have a full grasp of the definition of the word dream. I don't really dream. Oh, I have dreams, the subconscious type of dreams that enter into my sleep. However, I'm fairly sure that the letter D in the ABCs of life is not telling me to have a good night's rest and dream away. But I don't really DREAM, the out loud, waking hours, type of dreaming. Having said that, I do believe that envisioning positive things in your life beckons them to take place. Is that dreaming, envisioning? I don't know. I believe in positive thinking, in setting goals and working towards them. Is that dreaming? If you believe that to dream is to have aspiration or a goal, then yes, that is dreaming.
After reading the above paragraph, I have to step back a minute. Maybe I do dream, but call it by a different name. If dreaming is conjuring an image, a goal, and envisioning myself there, then, okay, I dream. Still, I'm not sure why Dream is on this plaque. Is it to remind us that we can change our lives for the better though envisioning where we want to be? I do not know.
Because I'm not exactly sure of this one, I'm going to approach it a bit differently than in the past weeks. Rather than take this one out into the world, as I did with Be kind or Accept differences, I'm going to take a look around my own world, around my life, and assess what needs to change or what I want to change, and I'm going to envision that differently. From that vision, I might be able to come up with a way to get myself from here to there. If I don't see the goal, how can I possibly find my way to the change?
Yes, dream!
Monday, January 25, 2010
A weekend in pictures
Austin, Texas. A lovely slumber at the Wyndham. A visit with my niece, my sister and my sister's boyfriend. A day trip to San Marcos with a friend. A bit of heaven found in every spot I went.
Cheyenne was her usual self all weekend, meaning that she played hard, slept hard, explored obsessively, and swam often. She was also a brat on the drive home. Nothing at all out of the ordinary.
Cheyenne was her usual self all weekend, meaning that she played hard, slept hard, explored obsessively, and swam often. She was also a brat on the drive home. Nothing at all out of the ordinary.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Love Thursday: Morning walks
One of the websites that I read daily, Chookooloonks, provides me with a steady stream of inspiration. The woman behind the website, Karen Walrond, uses her writing and photography skills to express her wondefully positive ideas and musings. A while ago, she started what she calls Love Thursday, encouraging other bloggers to write about Love on Thursdays and to link their stories in the comments section of her website. I think that's a fabulous idea and I look forward to Thursdays with that focus in mind, to what I'll discover in the name of love.
Today is about the love I feel on my morning walks. My heart explodes with hope and my mind focuses on promise in the mornings. I love to discover the day's beginnings during my morning walk. Every morning is different, different light, different sounds, different moisture.
I love the way the sun rays beautify a spot of overgrowth and weeds.
I love to discover a vase in a window, a potted plant on a patio. I love a red door.
I love to walk along side the repeating curves of an iron fence.
I love discovering new life blooming around me...
... and old life still vibrant with color
... and the pop of a green rose bush against the dull brown of a fence.
I love the texture of a bare and wild Wysteria vine.
There's so much to discover each morning. I love beginning my day with the journey of finding such beauty.
Today is about the love I feel on my morning walks. My heart explodes with hope and my mind focuses on promise in the mornings. I love to discover the day's beginnings during my morning walk. Every morning is different, different light, different sounds, different moisture.
I love the way the sun rays beautify a spot of overgrowth and weeds.
I love to discover a vase in a window, a potted plant on a patio. I love a red door.
I love to walk along side the repeating curves of an iron fence.
I love discovering new life blooming around me...
... and old life still vibrant with color
... and the pop of a green rose bush against the dull brown of a fence.
I love the texture of a bare and wild Wysteria vine.
There's so much to discover each morning. I love beginning my day with the journey of finding such beauty.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
In the round
This is a pedestal table made from reclaimed wood from a 100-year old building in Great Britain. After years and years of keeping my eye out for the perfect dining table for me, I finally found it. I wanted a pedestal table and I wanted the wood to have a natural finish, not a stain. I love that the wood is salvaged from an old building and recrafted and repurposed into a new use, a new life. And I'm quite happy that its new life will be spent in mine.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
C is for Count your blessings
A couple weeks ago, I started down the alphabet of the ABCs of life. This week, I'm on the letter C and that is for Count your blessings. That's an easy one for me because I consider my blessings often. From being blessed with two wonderful parents and a solid household, to being given a college education that set me on a career path I enjoyed, to being let go from that company and setting out on a wonderful journey of discovery this past year, I do feel blessed. I have my health, I have some wonderful friends, I have a roof over my head and I have a lovely dog with a personality that keeps me amused. That's to name a few.
I think it's a good exercise to consider our blessings, especially when it seems that things aren't quite going our way, or when life is a bit more challenging than normal. Recalling the blessings we do have helps us to gain a balanced perspective. I'll be counting my blessings, great and small, all this week, starting with the simple ability to get outside and walk Cheyenne at the beginning of this beautiful day.
It's a sure way to feel wonderful, when you take stock of the blessings you have been given.
I think it's a good exercise to consider our blessings, especially when it seems that things aren't quite going our way, or when life is a bit more challenging than normal. Recalling the blessings we do have helps us to gain a balanced perspective. I'll be counting my blessings, great and small, all this week, starting with the simple ability to get outside and walk Cheyenne at the beginning of this beautiful day.
It's a sure way to feel wonderful, when you take stock of the blessings you have been given.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Football Sunday
Here's a secret about me. I've always been uncomforable when it comes to entertaining people in my home. I've been nervous about what food to serve, what drinks to serve, what I will do if the guests do not leave. I'm good with one person, but more than one becomes a party and I'm just nervous to be at the head of that party. It's a mystery really, how I could feel this way, because I grew up around parties. My parents were fabulous party hosts and they threw parties, big parties, more than 100 people in their house kind of parties. And they did so seamlessly. Somehow, my little apple didn't fall close to their tree when it comes to this particular thing.
But lately something weird has happened to me. A budding hostess has appeared inside me and she wants to get out. I invited a friend over for dinner last week and I cooked and set a nice table and we had a good meal and good evening. Empowered by that success, I decided to invite some friends and family over on Sunday to watch the Vikings and Cowboys game. And I decided to make a chicken and white bean chili dish that I'd never made before. No worries.
Everyone knew ahead of time who I was rooting for, but just in case it slipped their mind, I had these as well.
I had five people in my house. Five. At one time. Five people, not including me. I didn't break out into a sweat once. In fact, I had a blast!
This is my friend Pam. She's chopping eggs and onions because she brought caviar. Don't you just love a friend who brings caviar to your house? To watch a football game. I do.
Pam is a big Dallas fan and I accept that character flaw. But still I have to show you what she looked like when the Cowboys missed that kick (the first time).
My friend Dee had balked when I told her about the white bean chili I planned to serve. She didn't think chili was a chicken dish and she couldn't believe I was putting beans in chili. She changed her mind when she had this chili though. That was my second highlight of the day, the first of course being the Vikings win.
I enjoyed having my friends and my niece and nephew over yesterday. I enjoyed cooking for them and I enjoyed spending the afternoon with them in my home. I don't know when I'm going to have my next party, but with this one under my belt, I'm already looking forward to it.
But lately something weird has happened to me. A budding hostess has appeared inside me and she wants to get out. I invited a friend over for dinner last week and I cooked and set a nice table and we had a good meal and good evening. Empowered by that success, I decided to invite some friends and family over on Sunday to watch the Vikings and Cowboys game. And I decided to make a chicken and white bean chili dish that I'd never made before. No worries.
Everyone knew ahead of time who I was rooting for, but just in case it slipped their mind, I had these as well.
I had five people in my house. Five. At one time. Five people, not including me. I didn't break out into a sweat once. In fact, I had a blast!
This is my friend Pam. She's chopping eggs and onions because she brought caviar. Don't you just love a friend who brings caviar to your house? To watch a football game. I do.
Pam is a big Dallas fan and I accept that character flaw. But still I have to show you what she looked like when the Cowboys missed that kick (the first time).
My friend Dee had balked when I told her about the white bean chili I planned to serve. She didn't think chili was a chicken dish and she couldn't believe I was putting beans in chili. She changed her mind when she had this chili though. That was my second highlight of the day, the first of course being the Vikings win.
I enjoyed having my friends and my niece and nephew over yesterday. I enjoyed cooking for them and I enjoyed spending the afternoon with them in my home. I don't know when I'm going to have my next party, but with this one under my belt, I'm already looking forward to it.
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