Sunday, February 20, 2005

Captain, my captain

Putting your father’s ashes in the Sea rips your heart out. It was good to be on a big boat again, good to be with a Captain that he fished with and respected. Good to be with my brother and family but every breath was hard. We were blessed with a bit of sun that my brother figures Dad's big hands separated some clouds to provide us with. It's a precious thought. While I returned with a certain contentment to have fulfilled my father's wishes, I did not do so without also leaving a piece of myself out there in the water as well. I cannot take my rings off because my father’s ashes touched them. I could not wash my hands at all yesterday. I just couldn’t. But what really blew me away about yesterday was returning to Houston and realizing that this is not over. Ceremonies are formalities that bring people together for a commonly shared event, cause or person. The funeral is over, the ashes are scattered at sea. Tomorrow there is nothing to plan. I return to work, after taking most of last week off and all the week before. Tomorrow life goes on but I will be forever different. It’s an absurdly foreign feeling.

No comments: