Thursday, May 26, 2005
Earlier this afternoon I felt like crying. It was a physical feeling I was aware of, more than emotional. I could feel a bubble in me - like a burp that you know is going to release itself, only it was tears wanting the release. I wasn't ready to cry though, emotionally. So, even though I should be able to connect the two, my personal history shows me that when the physical and emotional aspects of crying are not aligned, I will end up making the leap into tears over something completely meaningless. So, I wondered what would push me over the edge. Would I see a Hummer? Would I misplace my pen? The thought was interrupted by my taking a breath in a way that didn't successfully draw air into my lungs but instead my throat, and I started choking and coughing so hard I thought I would throw up. My eyes were watering, tears running down my cheeks and taking my mascara along with them, the whole bit. After what seemed like way too long to be still living, I stopped gasping and was able to successfully draw breath again. When my breathing finally took on a regular pace, I realized that I didn't feel the bubble anymore. So, I'm thinking that emotions and their symptoms, they're a slippery lot. They will get out of you by any method they please, even if they have to choke you.