Is it telling of this year that the last day of it just so happens to be the worst day of it, or is it, I pray not, a portent of the year to come?
My mother had another stroke last night. She's stable now. I can barely remember the phone call, and getting to the hospital is also foggy, though I did not drive myself.
I'm blurry in memory because I was out with a friend last night, drinking margaritas. On a stomach that had only one small slice of pizza hours before in the day. I looked at the food but couldn't entertain the thought of eating. That happens when my heart is hurting. And that happened because someone I love walked out. There wasn't much conversation, just the leaving. And returning - he's gone back to where he used to be, who he used to be with. There's details and reasons but nothing as important as the simple truth. He is gone. And I am here. And this pain inside is a heavy load to carry into the new year.
I walked home from the hospital last night. That was a long walk. A long and lonely walk.
4 comments:
Damn, indeed! Enough is too much. Glad your mother is stable now, and hope she continues to recover quickly. And I hope you recover quickly, from your loss. I remember that kind of ache - and I think 'damn' is pretty tame!
i'm giving 2006 a swift kick in the arse goodbye - 2007 HAAS to be better.
Men! Arrrrrghh!
Aww, Alison, I'm so sorry! But to answer your question, no, I don't believe it's "a portent of the year to come." It's the END of the year. Tomorrow is about beginnings.
You'll still hurt tomorrow, and your mother will still be ill, but you'll both be moving forward at whatever pace is right for you and on whatever path you need to take. And time will be your friend. Time will lighten your load.
Rest, Alison. Eat something to nourish yourself. You may feel lonely, but you are NOT alone.
"Velvet Sacks" is wise. Take the pace that is right for YOU. One step at a time...and you are definitely NOT alone.
Post a Comment