Sunday, March 01, 2009

Sunday morning

With each morning, I feel more alive, better, full of promise than I felt the day before. I never thought I'd lose my job, never thought I'd work for another company; I'd fully planned to retire from the company which laid me off two weeks ago. But after the shock and the sadness, the complete upheaval, I find that to my complete surprise, I am happier than I have been in years. Happy! Oh, I'm a bit sensitive and a bit afraid of what's next but I'm also opening my eyes each day and setting out with an excitement for the unknown.

I had not realized how much my job and my boss of the past two years had slowly eroded my confidence and my outlook. I had not realized how much of me was pretending to be happy because I wanted to be, really wanted to be, and how draining that effort was, that effort of constantly wanting to be but not really being. I had not realized how much my positive attitude and pretending was costing me. I would not have quit though, I would not have left my job on my own. And I wouldn't have done so because I just did not identify the cause of my overall unhappiness to be my job and my boss.

It's as if I was wearing my underwear backwards and thinking the problem was my pants.

But now that I know, now that the burden has been removed from me, I see that this was a blessing. I feel good.

This morning, I woke to the sun coming through my windows, took a deep breath and excitedly dressed and set out for a morning walk with Cheyenne. Springtime and hope were everywhere I looked. Budding flowers, bright colors of purples, pinks and oranges popping out against the greys and browns of winter. I feel like those colors are me, bursting out of the burdens of my past and into a renewed life, a bright future.

My underwear is on right these days!


Velvet Sacks said...

This post brought the biggest smile to my face. I KNEW you would begin to feel this way, although I'll admit to being surprised you've discovered this bright side of the situation so soon. Endings are frequently sad, but there's nothing like a new beginning to generate the happy, hopeful feelings you've described so well today. The world is wide open to you, my friend; make of it what you will.

Anonymous said...

I'm smiling too! I love what you said about your pants!

And I'm so glad you are enjoying a beautiful spring season. Send some up here, ok? I'm tired of the dreary winter that keeps hanging around.

ponywriter said...

"It's as if I was wearing my underwear backwards and thinking the problem was my pants."

Alison that STILL has me laughing! Your ability to use an economy of words to make your readers completely understand EXACTLY how you feel/felt is outstanding!

Hint! Hint!

CreekHiker said...

I'm so happy you are coming to this realization. I've had the same thing happen to me. I would've never left my job willingly even though it was making me physically ill. But once it was over - such sweet relief!

Life at Star's Rest said...

So wonderful to read your post and your sense of new promise! Please, please take photos of all that new life out there in your part of the world. I am still two months away from spring with nights in the teens and twenties and wishing so much it would arrive. Carmon

ghost said...

"It's as if I was wearing my underwear backwards and thinking the problem was my pants. "

this pretty much sums me up lately. im glad youre feeling alright with all this.

Anonymous said...

Underwear? Since when did you start wearing them?

maxngabbie said...

Just goes to show ya, the only thing we have control over is our "reaction" to what is dealt to us. I believe you're a "cup half full" type of girl. Another door will open for watching! God is good all the time, all the time God is good. You yourself had this quote on your blog..."The will of God will not take you, where the Grace of God will not protect you." Right there is TRUTH! Give that doggie a big kiss for me, right on that spot that lies between the eyes, and up a bit. God's blessings to you Alison, with one L.