With each morning, I feel more alive, better, full of promise than I felt the day before. I never thought I'd lose my job, never thought I'd work for another company; I'd fully planned to retire from the company which laid me off two weeks ago. But after the shock and the sadness, the complete upheaval, I find that to my complete surprise, I am happier than I have been in years. Happy! Oh, I'm a bit sensitive and a bit afraid of what's next but I'm also opening my eyes each day and setting out with an excitement for the unknown.
I had not realized how much my job and my boss of the past two years had slowly eroded my confidence and my outlook. I had not realized how much of me was pretending to be happy because I wanted to be, really wanted to be, and how draining that effort was, that effort of constantly wanting to be but not really being. I had not realized how much my positive attitude and pretending was costing me. I would not have quit though, I would not have left my job on my own. And I wouldn't have done so because I just did not identify the cause of my overall unhappiness to be my job and my boss.
It's as if I was wearing my underwear backwards and thinking the problem was my pants.
But now that I know, now that the burden has been removed from me, I see that this was a blessing. I feel good.
This morning, I woke to the sun coming through my windows, took a deep breath and excitedly dressed and set out for a morning walk with Cheyenne. Springtime and hope were everywhere I looked. Budding flowers, bright colors of purples, pinks and oranges popping out against the greys and browns of winter. I feel like those colors are me, bursting out of the burdens of my past and into a renewed life, a bright future.
My underwear is on right these days!