It's bizarre to wait here when you know she's coming no matter where you are, and you know she's wide and swirling and stronger than you and couldn't give a care that you've boarded and taped your windows, or placed your prayers around your door with all the grace and devotion you have. She's going to swirl her broad and angry ass up your front lawn no matter what and you could leave but where would you go? Half the city is out there on the highway. Going nowhere. Priests and poets alike will run from her, but where will they go?
Me? My Christmas cards arrived in the mail this afternoon. It's laughable, but I'm sure it will matter to me later. It's an over-used word in general and especially today but, yeah, surreal would work. I spent the evening with friends, and was told by a stranger that I'm lucky to have done so. Agreed.
Still, there is a certain aloneness I feel. Is there anyone out there who would like to be the man in my life and calm this fear I have inside that I won't be able to take care of it all once this hits? All it would take is being there, running your fingers through my hair, saying ssshhhhhh, it's okay babe, it's okay. I think I'm kidding. But maybe I'm not.