What's best about this vacation is that when I booked it, it was somewhat of a desperate measure. Okay, not somewhat. Definitely desperate. And necessary. Maybe it's because I've sought and am receiving help through someone who is a professional, and maybe it's because the distance between the night before I left for Chicago when I felt so low that I'd sell my soul to Satan to avoid feeling that much pain again, is growing more distant with each passing day. I don't know, but I do know that the past few weeks have been nothing short of my feeling loved, understood, cared for. It doesn't change the depression and it doesn't erase the low self esteem, it doesn't change the enormity of emotions, but it does make me realize that I am not alone in this journey. I am with friends, and not only do they try to understand, but they love me. And, don't go throwing up your breakfast or anything, but that love, it's keeping me steady.
What I'm thinking about right now is the send-off I received. A few people out there are proud of me. A few people out there love me and believe in me. They say things like, I admire you, or, Your strength is awesome, or, my favorite, Your father would be very proud of you. I feel like a school girl with a gold star when I hear those words. And I know they're true. I've realized lately that friends see the effort, they know the juggling and the devotion. With support like that, the word that comes to mind is immeasurable.
Clear and true: With you, I can fly.
4 comments:
Alison, you silly girl. It's only because you're not objective that you can't see all your good points. I told someone else not too long ago the same thing. It amazes me that someone like you could ever have any doubts about themselves or a lack of self-esteem. Granted, we only see a tiny slice of your life through this blog, but, I don't think any of your readers would argue against me when I say that you're a caring, generous, talented, witty, smart, artistic and generally gifted person. I know many people who would have given up a long, long time ago. And, perhaps, it is your tenacity that I admire most.
I didn't know your father, obviously, so I don't know what would make him, specifically, proud, but I can't imagine any parent not being proud to call you their own.
So, enjoy the cold weather and the stress relief of giggling, wiggling, little girls. If they can't restore your faith in the world, what can?
hmm. i've never believed that vermont actually exists.
ahhhhhh
i wanna see snow!!
Stretch your wings and fly high, Alison. A break like this will do you a world of good.
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