Hold steady

I dated Michael in the 80s. We were together for several years and he was the first boyfriend I incorporated into the family. He traveled with Dad on fishing trips, he spent weekends with the family at our cabin, he was part of our Christmas and New Years celebrations, the birth of my niece and nephew. Michael had a particular fondness for Mom, loved her sense of humor and her energy. His respect for her was enormous.

In many ways, I was at an age and maturity during this time to begin enjoying a more adult relationship with my mother, and Michael helped me forge that path. Through his eyes, I saw the successful business woman, I began to appreciate and relate to her sense of humor, emulate how she held herself. Through his eyes, I discovered an amazing woman and I began to explore and enjoy a relationship with her on this level.

Over the years, Michael and I have stayed in touch, exchanging emails, getting together on occasion for lunch. He'd always ask about Mom. He'd remind me of a story or a conversation they'd had and he'd shake his head, let out a fond chuckle and say, Your Mom is quite a woman, such an amazing woman. Mom was always delighted when I would tell her that he asked about her and spoke so fondly of her.

Over the last couple years, he'd check in with me, ask how she was, and offer his support.

I had not called Michael about Mom. It might sound odd but I was afraid to hurt him as I knew how hard he would take the news and I did not want to put him through it. So I was putting it off. Of course, he reads the newspaper, so he found out on his own.

Yesterday Michael sent me this email. Although personal, I am sharing it here because his words and his care are so tremendously comforting and I want to share with you his thoughts of my Mom and my family, and lastly, me. Because in my last post, I wrote that I am them. And he has reached out and told me as much. It's like a steady hand, but one on the heart.

Alison,

My heart literally sank when I read in the paper this morning that your Mom passed on Sunday. Her picture just flooded me with memories and moments I had the privilege to experience in the years I knew her. She was in a class by herself and one very fine woman.

It would be incredibly hard to define a life like hers and all she did and accomplished. I suppose I will remember her for her razor sharp wit, her intellect, the ways she carried herself in every moment, her devotion to family and so much more. Oh how that woman made me laugh.

But to you Alison, you became all the best things about both your parents and what an extraordinary woman you are. You have been a muscular champion of your family covering all the weak points or moments where your parents and family could not and you have moved through all of this with the heart and passion of your father and the intelligence, power, and class of your mother. I can only imagine how proud your parents must have been in the woman and daughter you became. You are one of a kind and the person every parent dreams their daughter or son will become.

I will see you Thursday and I love you with all my heart. I hope in your losses, that God will place in your heart all the moments and the lifetime of all your memories you had with your Mom and Dad and that His touch will bring you smiles, laughs, tears, and peace.

Three of the finest people I have ever known. And one remains. That makes you special beyond words.

Always…