I had started to write (lament) about Sunday being Father's Day and there not being a thing I can do about it. But it didn't feel right, wasn't coming out of me very well. There was no stream and no glimmer.
I put my finger on the <-Backspace button and went over every word, watching them eaten up like a game of PacMan, disappearing letter by letter until the screen was once again white.
Starting over, I could tell you a few things with a knowing sadness, how different the world is to a daughter without her father, how I feel that Father's Day will be a floating bubble, colored and fragile, and out of reach. But I realize that there are some who wish for that difference, who would love to be free of their father. Some fathers are cruel and hideous beings. Some walk out the door and never look back. Some wouldn't dream of raising a hand to help, but don't think twice about raising a hand otherwise.
And then there are the rest of them, the gems. Mine was a gem, a hero, a gentleman, a leader, a father and a Dad. That makes him one of the good guys, and us a few of the lucky ones.
I will be happy tomorrow. I will be feeling blessed tomorrow. He may be gone now, but he was here, he was always here. And he made a difference. He taught me how to drive, how to shoot a gun and how to sharpen a knife. He taught me how to fish. He taught me how to listen. He taught me how to tie a knot, make the perfect martini, and appreciate a good story. He taught me the importance of a solid handshake. He appreciated people that made an effort, and taught me that respect should not be expected or handed over freely, it had to be earned and it was worth seeking. He taught me that I could do anything. Anything at all that you set your mind to, Alison. He taught me that if something is worth having, it’s worth working for, and that included relationships, work and pleasure.
The day didn't much matter to him but I loved buying him Father’s Day cards and writing in them how happy I was that he was my father. And as sad as I am that I’m not buying a card this Sunday, truth be told, I’m still happy. I'm happy that he is my Father.
I would not have it any other way.