In January 2005, I replaced my paper journal with this site. In the time that has passed, I've grown accustomed to pouring my experiences and emotions out in this very public space, but still finding my answers in the process of the writing, and finding support in reading comments from people I would never have met on my own but whose support fortifies me nonetheless.
Today and tonight, I realized that I lean on this space so much that in my real, here-and-now life, I'm a ghost in the fog. I watch my life as if I'm not participating, I silence my opinion, my voice, so that I might figure it and write it later, and I think how I'll set it up and send it out, how I'll display whatever it is that is on my mind or in my heart, whatever it is that is worth recording.
I think I've orchestrated an extra step between me and my awareness, but sometimes I truly don't know how I feel until it comes out in words that I can see, here, understand. Perhaps that's the very thing that drives it all, what makes writers write, journalists journal, diarists... well you get the idea.
Internal comprehension through external expression. It is what it is, I suppose.
2 comments:
kind of why i stopped blogging so much as well.
JH
I find myself self-editing to the poiint of not blogging because so many people know me via my website and so many potential employers might find me there. Lately, I've been thinking about "re-branding" myself via another, new website that's more creative and less tied to the "professional" me.
Well, maybe after my chemo is over.
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